KYLIE JENNER TUTORIAL FOR BROKE BITCHES | & What I Learned

Hiyeeee!

I am SO happy that my video finally made it up! My video’s come out every Tuesday. I usually start uploading on Sunday or Monday to make sure that everything goes smoothly on the day of. That did not happen this week. I wont bore you with the technical details over the 47 hour span it took to upload this thing, or how I edited the entire video twice, or how even the editing Samurai at my job took time out of her day to try and help me, but instead, I’ll tell you what I learned.

 

You Cannot Control Everything

This is a tough one for me. This is the one thing that I think I work on most, and every time I feel like I have a handle on it, the Universe shows me another scenario to test my new “surrender” skills, and often I fall short. This was no different. I will admit that once I realized that my video might not make it up at all, I got pretty bummed. And then once I remedied the situation, I was really upset at how long it was taking to upload. I wanted it done on my time, the way I wanted, and I did everything in my power to make sure that happened. So when it didn’t, you can imagine my frustration. But then I had to go back and listen to what I was saying “I did everything in my power”, this should send a signal to my brain that there is nothing more I can do, and I have to just let it go and let it do it’s thing. I grunted at the thought of that, but once I took a deep breath and really let it go, everything became fine. It can be so hard to let ourselves off the hook sometimes. We have it engrained in our brains that “the person who works the hardest” or “the person who wants it the most” will get x, y, or z. But working and walking around with a completely clenched asshole does not serve you. Trust me. I promise this. Do your best, and then release that shit! This is how hemorrhoids start.

 

What You Do, Is Not Who You Are

We all identify ourselves differently. We all decide what we have to offer as our “currency” in the world. For some people it’s their physical appearance, for others it’s their caring nature, others it’s their intelligence. We all do this. “I’m always the one making sure we don’t die when we get drunk”, “everyone always comes to me when they have a problem”, “I’m the best at ___”.
It’s the thing about us that we don’t shit on, the thing that we do that we feel is worth something, the thing that gives us purpose.

So when that “thing” that we place all of our self worth on becomes challenged. We feel bad. Like, real bad. Think of an athlete who gets injured. When he can’t play anymore, it can challenge who he is, what he’s contributing, and it blows.

For me, my currency has always been my hard work, and my consistency. It’s not who I am, but ego likes to convince me otherwise. My videos are a great avenue for me. I don’t usually have to rely on anyone else, I am in control, and when everything else sucks I know I can complete a video, have it up on time, every single week, no matter what. I get a great deal of self pride and peace from this. But inevitably, SHIT HAPPENS. “In my year and a half on youtube I have never been late, or missed a video”. This is what I kept hearing in my head over and over while waiting for the fucking file to buffer. You were never late, Alex- but guess what? NOW YA ARE. Accept it, and move forward.

Whether you’re the top seller at your job, the most active mother in the PTA, the valedictorian, the funniest girl you know, or have the best ass on the block , shit is going to happen to challenge that. And you are so much more than that one thing you think people love you for.

 

It’s Really Ok

Although I am a huge believer in not discrediting negative emotions just because “things could be a lot worse”, we are in a time right now where things could REALLY be a lot worse. Checking myself before wrecking myself, especially these days is a must. “When you feel helpless, help someone”. In hindsight, if I would have just stepped back from obsessing over something so small, and taken that time to help a friend in need, or donate to cause close to my heart, I’m sure I could have recovered way quicker. Moving forward, this is absolutely something I vow to do.

 

I love you guys!

xo

Alex

Watch This Week’s Video!

 

Alex Lynn Ward

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